Take a diss and turn it into discourse


"Take a diss and turn it into discourse that will encourage us all to see beyond desirability"

The above quote is one of my favourites, and comes from one of my all time icons and absolute queen, The Slumflower - aka, Chidera Eggerue. Founder of the #SAGGYBOOBSMATTER movement and writer of bestselling book What A Time To Be Alone, this absolute girl boss has honestly changed my life so much, and has had such a huge impact on so many other women too. She teaches us to love ourselves, to know our worth and to be more than just a desirable object. She might be young, but she is wise beyond her years and is honestly going to change the world - I just know it. 

Taking a diss and turning it into discourse is something that I have unknowingly lived by for the last four years - that is, since I've been blogging and creating content on the internet. As someone who has been bullied a lot, on more than one occasion I have used this nastiness to create content online and open up a discussion to try and bring about change. Some of the topics for which I have done this include domestic violence, eating disorders, body positivity, self love and boobs. 

Body positivity and self love are two topics I'm really passionate about, and if people try and tear me down, aka diss me, I turn it into a very open and public conversation online, aka discourse. When people call me fat, I create content about it. When people troll me online about my looks and body, I create content about it. When people make fun of my boobs, I make content about it. Turning a diss into discourse not only works, but has helped me to establish my passions, what I'm good at and helped me to build a career from it too. 

"I have used this nastiness to create content online and open up a discussion to try and bring about change"

It's funny that my looks are the first thing people go to when they want to insult me - they are so quick to tell me I'm fat or ugly, that my boobs are saggy or that I just generally look gross. And whilst it can be upsetting at the time, when I turn that hurt into words and share it on my Instagram, or on here, it turns out to be some of my most popular and successful content that opens up conversation with dozens of women. Women who have been through what I've been through, or maybe still are. Women who want to learn how to ignore the trolls, learn to love themselves and accept their bodies. The pain I go through, the hurt I deal with, I turn into love and compassion and use it to fuel me to help others. I think that's really something, even if I do say so myself. 

I think more of us need to take these words from Chidera on board and turn disses into discourse. Opening up conversations about otherwise taboo subjects - like boobs - really does help to implement positive change and is something that we should all try to play a part in. I for one, will definitely continue to turn my disses into discourse to help to educate and encourage women - and men! - everywhere, of all ages, to embrace the skin they're in and learn to love themselves. 

Love from,
Florence Grace

It's not me, it's you.


People can be right pricks, can't they?

It's not often we don't take the blame for a relationship breakdown, be those friendships or romantic relationships. We often tell people it's us, not them. That we're sorry things turned out this way. That we should have tried harder, that we could have done more, that we will regret this. Never do we turn around and say "actually, it's not me, it's you". Because sometimes, the other person really just is a piece of shit and there's not much that can be done about that.

This is something I'm going through at the moment. On some days, I'm having a pretty hard time.

In the last twelve months I have had to cut off two people who I considered to be lifelong best buddies, three relatively close friends and a dozen of other distant pals in order to protect my inner peace (lol) and my bloody happiness. And whilst to them, it might seem as if I did this ruthlessly, I've been pretty cut up about it ever since. Dare I say it, I even miss them sometimes!Obviously it's the "best friends" which have affected me the most, and on numerous occasions I've considered reaching out to make amends, just because I miss them. I thought about apologising for what happened, being the "bigger person" and putting things right.

And then I gave myself a firm talking to. 

Because do you know what? It wasn't me at all. I didn't need to apologise for anything, I didn't need to feel sorry for what went down, because it wasn't me, it was them. It was them who upset me, them who pushed me so far I had no choice but to cut them off, them who stabbed me in the back, played me for a fool and tried to ruin my happiness. Why should I apologise for their shoddy behaviour?

You only get one chance at life, and you have no guarantee how long that chance is going to be. For that reason, it's important that you only surround yourself with the best people, the best surrounding, that life has to offer. If someone is making you unhappy, creating a toxic environment for you to be in, causing you any kind of suffering, you have to just cut them off. And no, you might not get closure, but you can sit there and feel reassured in the fact that "it's not me, it's you".

Life is too short to spend it with shit people - nasty people, toxic people, selfish people. They say you are made up of the five people you spend most of your time with...so hadn't you better choose those five people wisely?

This is a message we all need to pay more attention to.

We really need to stop spending so much time pining after people who are no good for us, trying to keep relationships and friendships going that are only dragging us down and draining us. Most importantly of all, we need to stop shouldering the blame for every single relationship or friendship that goes wrong.

Of course, sometimes it might be your fault and you might have to hold yourself accountable - this happens! But there is no need to shoulder the blame if it genuinely was the other person's fault and you're just too scared to tell them so. Don't fret over what you could have done better, what you should have done to be better and so on - sometimes, people are just shitty and there's not much else you can do about it - just explain to them that "it's not me, it's you" and leave them to deal with themselves whilst you walk away with a clear mind.

Say it with me: It's not me, it's you.

Love from,
Florence Grace

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